Movember madness

As I was doing my daily internet browsing this morning before heading off to work something struck me that I needed to put down on on my blog. Everywhere you go on the internet during the month of November all you see are guys trying to grow moustaches like they are the greatest thing since pants with pockets. What’s with the novelty facial hair? When did this become a thing to do, festooning your upper lip like a Dr. Seuss landscape?  I feel it is my duty as the Ruler of the Internet to inform the reading public that this is not cool. Not what so ever. Moustaches are like airline food, they are crap.

There are only a few instances in which a moustache is acceptable:

1 – Men who aren’t particularly handsome – I feel though this has to be specific because if you are a good looking dude, like me, it just makes you look like a god damned clown.

2 – Police officers – I like this look because it helps display authority. No matter how stupid they look, the ability to make you evacuate your bowels with electrical current at a moment’s notice negates that fact.

3 – Members of 1970's rugby teams – And even Naas Botha was clever enough to shave his once he realized that he looked like a right plonker.

4 – Black guys – I don’t know why, but that shit just WORKS.

5 – Overweight Eastern European women – Because I am certainly not going to be the one to tell them.

6 - Tom Selleck.

7 - 70's porn stars

8 - If you have a weak/feminine chin and wish to draw attention away from it.

And THAT’S IT. I am looking at you, hipster assholes. That woolly bear on your upper lip does not make you cool. They reiterate all of the reasons that you had no friends in high school. I truly hope that this helps all of you who were previously unsure of just how f*cking stupid you look.