More Monday morning humour

Another classic from the guys at hayibo.com JOHANNESBURG. Italian sports-car manufacturer Maserati has described as “groundbreaking and chassis-bending” reports that Khulubuse Zuma, who his own gravitational field, was allegedly clocked at 181kmh in his convertible on the weekend. Meanwhile President Zuma’s nephew has defended his driving, saying his was practising for when the workers wise up and he has to get the hell out of Dodge.

 

Mr Zuma was reportedly a taxi-driver before he became a mining magnate (a leap not considered unusual in Limpopo), and his former mentor, veteran taxi-aimer, Skidmarks Bhudu, said he still remembers young Khulubuse fondly.

“Days were dark and friends were few,” Bhudu told journalists as he expertly manoeuvred a taxi into vacant pedestrian. “He was a dream lover for the industry. We all knew he was going to be a Golden Banana one day.”

Zuma was to lose his boyish figure in a tragic altercation with a hamburger, but since then he has dealt bravely with his imposing bulk by sitting down as often as he can, and employing highly-tuned Italian V8 engines to move him from location to location.

 

This morning his spokesman, Deepfried Shisanyama, defended the alleged 181kmh joyride, saying that Zuma had merely been practicing an “emergency strategic high-speed relocation”.

“At some point the worker-comrades are going to be indoctrinated by vile Western ideas like ‘money’ and ‘salaries’, and are going to stop being content to live off dust that they scratch with a stick from the ground,” explained Shisanyama. “And when that happens, we don’t want to be around.”

 

Maserati, the makers of Zuma’s convertible, say they are “thrilled beyond their wildest dreams” at the news, saying that they never expected their cars to hold up under that kind of strain.

“We only test our top-end models with top-end models,” explained engineer Fellatio Cornucopia. “22 years old, forty kilos, D-cups. You know, standard dummies.”

He thanks Mr Zuma for taking Maserati into a “brave new world of high-speed transport for the planetoidally-proportioned”.

 

Meanwhile the South African government has slammed the media attention given to Zuma’s speeding infraction.

“Why do you people launch these personal attacks on high-profile individuals just to taint the reputation of Government?” demanded spokesman Incredulus February.

When it was put to him that high-profile individuals were already tainting the reputation of Government by personally attacking the wellbeing of their poverty-stricken workers or voters, February said that the government “will not be coerced into debating with people who are able to debate,” and stormed out.

 

http://www.hayibo.com/maserati-hail-engineering-triumph-as-zuma-nephew-powers-through-fat-barrier/