Gentlemen! Are You Ready For Movember?

Chances are that everywhere you go during the month of November all you are going to see are guys trying to grow moustaches like they are the greatest thing since pants with pockets. What’s with this novelty facial hair? When did it become cool to look like a seventies porno star? Ok I know that the idea behind Movember is to raise money for mens health but seriously guys if you feel that strongly about it just give them the money. I would like to take this opportunity to set the record straight right now at the beginning of November before things get out of hand. Moustaches are like airline food, they are crap.

There are only a few instances in which a moustache is acceptable and they are as follows:

1. Men who aren’t particularly handsome– Because if you are a good looking dude, like me, it just makes you look like a god damned clown.

2. Police officers – This can be a cool look because it helps display authority. No matter how stupid policemen look, the ability to make you crap in your pants negates that fact.

3. Members of 1970's rugby teams – Even Naas Botha was clever enough to shave his once he realized that he looked like a right plonker.

4. Black guys – I don’t know why, but that shit just works.

5. Overweight Eastern European women – Because I am certainly not going to be the one to tell them.

6. Tom Selleck – lets face it the guy is a legend.

7. 70's porn stars

8. If you have a weak/feminine chin and wish to draw attention away from it.

And that's it guys. If you don't meet any of the criteria on the list then please don't do it. That woolly bear on your upper lip does not make you look cool it just reiterates all of the reasons why you had no friends in highschool. I truly hope that this helps all of you who were previously unsure of just how f*cking stupid you look.

Colin Chaplin.

Seriously though guys this is just a tongue in cheek article...Movember is for a good cause so just go for it.