Big Surprise Fish Hoek not considered a Natural Wonder

CAPE TOWN. As South Africans continue to vote themselves into a frenzy in an attempt to ensure Table Mountain makes it onto the list of the New7Wonders of Nature, residents of Fish Hoek have hit out at the failure of their suburb to make the final vote.

On Tuesday morning concerned residents gathered at the local coffee shoppe to express their dismay after pensioner Humphrey Scrotum-Dingle admitted to hearing about the vote while trying to tune his valve-radio to the BBC’s Africa Service.

Scrotum-Dingle said that while he had heard of Table Mountain he had never actually seen it. “So it can’t be that amazing,” he said.

He added that his cousin, who now lived in Muizenberg, and who came from the side of the family that nobody liked to talk about, had actually seen the mountain and reported that it was quite impressive. But he said that nobody had seen his cousin since he tunneled his way out of town in 1985 using nothing but a rock hammer and a poster of Anneline Kriel.

Scrotum-Dingle said that as a destination and a natural wonder Fish Hoek had a lot to offer. “It’s kind of like Walvis Bay without the personality or Armageddon without the death and the horsemen,” he said.

Asked if he couldn’t perhaps be more specific, Scrotum-Dingle said he would need a bit of time to come up with something better. “A couple of years should do it,” he said.

Meanwhile a spokesperson for the New7Wonders of Nature Campaign, Toby Bunn-Fight, admitted that he had not been aware of Fish Hoek.

“I looked it up in a couple of travel guides,” he said, but given that nobody goes there, it didn’t feature at all.”

Bunn-Fight confessed that Fish Hoek would have been considered if the organisers had known about it. “Because who can ignore a tiny enclave of the world, untouched by modernity and accessible only via time travel?” he asked.

He hailed Fish Hoek as a place where people don’t even go to die – largely due to the fact that there was a shortage of motorised shopping carts and a lack of trees tall enough to hang them from.

Bunn-Fight urged residents of Fish Hoek to look beyond their disappointment and to vote for Table Mountain nevertheless. “After all, it’s not really about choosing the greatest natural wonders, it’s just a giant popularity contest that’s always going to be won by the places with the highest population and greatest internet access,” he said.

(www.hayibo.com)