ANC rejects Hysterical Zille

PRETORIA. The South African government has slammed Helen Zille after she blamed the continued Aids pandemic on the alleged promiscuity of black men, but says it is “less worried about the racist undertones than the outrageous suggestion that it’s not OK for any of our brothers, black or white, to pomp anything with a pulse”. “Who the hell does this hysterical dyke think she is?” asked a spokesman.

Zille dropped the racial bombshell in her latest newsletter, clearly linking the spread of Aids to black men’s alleged inability to keep it in their pants. Many DA supporters say they have not felt this awkward about their leader since they discovered that Tony Leon was Jewish.

This morning Presidency spokesman Livestrong Mabudu described Zille’s comments as “outrageous, insane and totally, utterly lesbian”.

“Yes, it’s racist referencing the whole 19th Century trope of the insatiable Sambo with his 12-inch blacksnake,” said Mabudu. “But let’s be fair: we’ve recently had a government spokesman saying that there are too many coloureds in the Western Cape, and our Youth League president describing all whites as criminals, so we should probably admit that we’re all raging racists and let bygones be bygones.”

But, he said, bringing sex and so-called promiscuity into the Aids discussion was “just obscene”, and that it “bridges racial divides and hurt all men, regardless of race”.

“Banging loads of chicks is a basic human right. And by ‘human’ I mean ‘male’, because let’s be honest, when the honeys are on the rag or all over-excited because they’ve just bought new shoes, they’re not really human, so they don’t count,” said Mabudu.

He added that “banging loads of chicks” was also enshrined in the Constitution, in the chapter called ‘Polygamy: Why It’s Legal and Why You’re a Racist If You Suggest That It Demeans Women’.

But, he added, the greatest damage caused by Zille’s statement was the implication that sex was somehow connected to the spread of Aids.

“Next thing she’ll say that for the last 17 years our message should have been, ‘You get Aids from unprotected sex with people you don’t know, and then you die’. Which is deeply insulting to people you don’t know, who might be absolute dynamite in bed, but Little Miss Killjoy in Cape Town doesn’t want you to find out!”

As a result of Zille’s statements, said Mabudu, it was important for the government to re-iterate and underline the “basic life-saving facts” about Aids that its prevention strategy had been based on since 1994.

“We have always been very clear in our message: HIV is not Aids, except when it is, or when it’s tuberculosis, or when it’s unspecified because the family don’t want anyone to know.

“You can’t get it if you think positively, or wear Bono accessories, or eat vegetables. And there is absolutely no scientific evidence that you can get it from being bewitched, or that you can be cured by having sex with a virgin, although we’re not ruling out anything. Well, except that Aids is spread by men exercising their God- and Msholozi-given rights to park their pecker wherever the hell they want.

“If Zille and her coven of dykes have got a problem with that, they can f*ck right off back to Europe where they invented gayness.”

(Hayibo.com)